23 turned 24

I spent the last one hour thinking about how my 23rd year has been. It was one filled with ups and downs. I got a job that I enjoy, worked my butt off and was happy with the experience despite the low pay given. I learnt a lot on how a publication works and getting into a cycle was not an easy task, but I did it. Yet in between all that hustle and bustle, I chose to leave my job 1 year after I started and I am not proud of it, I left in order to diversify my portfolio and to learn to write different beats. I also left because I was not happy with certain elements of my job. Some people felt I could have done better, others knew that I have tried my best in what I did. Whatever it was I know that I have grown in this past one year. I learn my limitations, and my strengths, I learn to be confident in certain things and be humble and ask for help in others.

When David Cameron left his job as Prime Minister of Britain, I knew that it was ok to leave my job, because if the PM of Britain can leave his job, what difference would it make when I leave mine.

With the late SR Nathan's death, his life story was published and when i read it, i learn that it is ok to have many jobs, as long as your principles and character are the same throughout.

My spiritual growth have increased too, I felt God's hand in my decisions at work, I have seen his faithful hands through that one year; from giving me the job, to inviting me to leave my work place. I also have learn to focus on him and commit my problems to him, both big and small. I am no expert at faith but I know with him, I am assured for life. Moving forward, I know he has ask me to seek his kingdom first and trust that all others will be added onto me, and I have every plan to do so as well.

Thinking back to my birthday when I was younger, it was filled with dress up parties, I would have a theme and my friends would dress up for my party, back then it was about the presents and the attention I would received on my special day. That was all that matter to me. Now that I am older, I realise that the presents and attention no longer matters, it is the people who remember my birthday, albeit Facebook reminding people of birthdays. The people who bother to write me a message or wish me happy birthday in any way they can, the midnight surprises and the ones who set aside time to spent it with you. I learnt that relationships are more important than that attention or presents received. And I am glad to say that with such a thought and shift in a attitude, I guess I have grown up a little more.

I look forward to seeing how my mind and hopefully my body changes from now till 25.

The Easter Reminder

I have been working as a writer for a magazine and when you write in office, sometimes it is tiring to write at home. However I am always reminded of God's goodness and that compels me to write, because I have to give him the glory he deserves.

On the 7 April this year, it will be my 4th year since I received my Driving Licence. These 4 years have fly by, I have not gotten a bad record in Singapore, however I had my fair share of driving excitement in the USA. Every time I look back at my driving experiences, I know that God's hand has been in every single trip. I have had my near accidents experience but have maintain a clean record in Singapore. Getting my driving licence was one of the situation in which god met me at where I was.

I am part of the Comfort Delgro Driving Centre (CDC) group students. I started taking my driving in the start of 2011, I have renewed my membership once and my Provisional Driving Licence (PDL) 3 times. I had 67 100 minute lessons before I passed and I passed on the second try. For the record, I took manual and am a proud owner of a Class 3 licence. My journey to get this licence was one of humility, hard work and blessing.

I started out in CDC as a common pool student, the scenario where you fight with 1000 other students for measly number of slots. At that point, I put in the exact amount of money required to take a couple of classes. I did not think long term and had booked a few classes at one go, I was not consistent in my booking and hence only had classes at the end of each month. Essentially I was taking classes on week 3 and 4 of each month, putting 2 weeks of break between classes. This caused a lack of consistent practice and my skills were not smooth. After daddling for at least 20-30 classes, I decided to move on to OneTeam, where I could book more consistent classes and started having consistent classes. However due to the bad habits I developed through my initial lessons, my teachers spent a lot of time breaking these habits, after which they had to inculcate all the proper habits and that took a long time. 

During my first exam, I was so nervous about the yellow lights that I step into the yellow box and had an immediate fail, I was so upset about my fail but I had to continue and push for my second test. During my second test, my tester was a little kinder and I picked the last slot of the day. Despite the traffic on the road, it gave me the opportunity to be slower and that helped me. After getting my test results, I passed with 16 points (18 points is pass while 20 points is fail). When I look carefully at my test results, I calculated my total points to be 20 (which mean I would have failed), however I had 4 points of exemption. At that point, a still small voice said "That is grace". I believe that was the holy spirit sharing with me what the grace of god is; something you don't deserver but given.  And this great reminder came just one day before Good Friday. If I did not have the exemption, I would have failed and had to take the test a 3rd time, but his grace has been sufficient for me. Every time I share my experience, I know that it is a testimony to God's goodness.

Who am I?

Who am I that you would be interested in me, that you would care for the hair on my head, or the injuries I have. Who am I that it will interest you to know that I am eating and breathing well. Who am I that you would care for the fact that I have a job that I am interested in or that I have a nice home to live in.

Who am I that I will deserve your love and concern, that you would be interested to know to about the demons I fight or the insecurities I face when I look at myself in the mirror. Who am I that you actually care to comfort me in my time of pain and offer me a shoulder to lean on during my time of trial and distress. Who am I that you would invest time, care and love in me.

I am nothing but a speck of dust on this earth, part of the millions of people who come and go. I am the light that dies in a second, the one that flickers and pass on. I am selfish and deceitful, I want things my way and I think only about myself, I refuse to put someone before my well being. I am filled with nothing but sheer humanity, I want only fame, wealth and power in my life, I want to be a step better than the next people. My sinful nature fills me and drives me to make the wrong decisions or compromise my morals.

Yet you love me with all your heart, you look pass my heart and see the good in me. You love me so much that you send your son to die for me, you gave me unconditional love that my human mind will never understand. I don't know why you are interested in me and my well being, I don't know why you care for me, I don't even know why you love me so much that you are willing to forgive my sin and send your son to die for me, but I am glad you do.

Be patient with me and teach me your ways, transform me into the woman you want me to be.

When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars

which you have set in place 

what is mankind that you are mindful of them, 

human beings that you care for them?

Psalm 8: 3-4